I started this blog in the hopes that by continually writing , I might gain some insight as to what my purpose is. Why am I here ? Is it to be a loving wife and stepmother and family member? Or is there something else? Well, I still don’t know what my purpose is, but it’s not as overwhelming a thought as it was before. If I am meant to be a good wife and stepmother , then that’s wonderful. And if I can treat people nicer, even those that annoy me or piss me off, then that’s great. not saying it’s easy, but it’s a great thing to strive for. Who knows what struggles someone else may be going thru and if my smile gives them a second of joy, then awesome. I know i’ll never have that great career, where my work helps people , so let me just take pride in what i do and do it to the best of my ability. I’m inspired today becasue of my cousin Kathi who has been struggling with horrible Lyme disease yet still retains a positive attitude. I wish I had a tenth of her attitude. I’m going to try to be more positive. I’m going to try being more grateful. i don’t need to have this great purpose like a Ghandi or Mother Teresa, i just need to be happy with me, and if i have struggles, so what, everyone does, so let me focus on the solution , not the problem.
I read so much about life purpose and finding happiness and joy in your life, that I really feel if money was no object, it would be so much easier. As I’ve blogged, I am not happy with my job…grateful i have one because it enables me to look for something else while still getting a paycheck, but it’s not what i want to do. I’ve always loved decorating, watching decorating shows and want to work in a store like Pier One or Home Goods. However, i can’t do that. Why ? Because i need to make a certain salary to live. i have a home, one car, and 2 bonus kids with one going to college and the other needing braces. I’m just a typical, average person with not a lot of extras , yet I need to make a certain salary to meet all the bills (this is with my husband’s salary too ) Thank Goodness we don’t want a couple of Lexuses, a home on the beach, etc – oh wait , that’s not true :). In any event. I am grateful for the joys and happinesses that don’t cost money and are actually more worthwhile. I have a loving, supportive, wonderful husband, 2 great stepkids, great brother and cousins, friends, and great blogs to read at wordpress. I’m a lucky girl and who knows, maybe i will have that other job someday (and if a benefit was company discount,,,look out !!)
Balance is key: I need to be successful in my career to feel fulfilled, be surrounded by people I care about to share it with, and have my health to be able to do the things I love to do!
I started attending a bible study class. Add this to the list of things to try and make me a better person. So far, there’s only been one class (it runs once a week for 13 weeks) and my record is one for one !! woo hoo !! seriously, when i say I want to be a better person, i realize I’m ok the way i am. i just want to feel a little more fulfilled, a little more challenged, that’s all. i’m not expecting to be Gandhi or Mother Theresa, i just want to be me but a little happier, so i will continue my quest.
IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!.
i’m not sure how i found this blog but it resonated with me. I know I need to stop blaming myself for how i feel, and i’m definitely doing the footwork in that i’m trying and reading so many different things. I just wish I had a switch that I could turn to positive outlook instead of negativity. knowing it’s my fault and only i can change it is a start though…..
Well i just had 9 wonderful days off and it’s amazing how much better my mood is when I’m not working ! It’s not that i don’t want to work, i just want to like where I work ! Oh Higher power, aka God to me, please send me that fun, fulfilling job soon !! Anyway, I didn’t go anywhere, hence the word staycation (who came up with this word anyway??). I did celebrate my bonus daughter’s (i like that word better then stepdaughter) 16th birthday with a big party . I also saw The 3 Stooges movie – an Oscar contender for sure 🙂 . I also went to Dave and Buster’s with my 2 bonus kids and a nephew and we had a blast, eating , playing video games, etc. Other than that I relaxed. Did i journal? very little. Did i meditate? no. Did i try anything new in my pursuit to figure out what is my purpose here on earth? no. Was I happy ? yes.
ok, to get myself in a routine , I am following the instructions on sunday scribblings and trying to write something for the word they suggest. The word is TREAT . I received one today, my boss left early leaving me with freedom to do my work (that IS what you’re supposed to do at work, right?) and also blog and check out some other blogs. 🙂 When i think of treats, I first think of food (I always think of food) but particularly ice cream, chips and chocolate – those are treats. Then I think of treats as blessings: a treat is a loving phone call from my hubby or an email from a cousin. Thirdly, the word treat can be how i am with someone – if someone is talking , do i treat them to the care of actally listening to them ? How do i treat my friends? do I take them for granted or do I treat them like the treasures they are? In any context, to me, a treat has to be something good. There’s no such thing as a bad treat !
So I seem to have lost my blogging mojo 😦 Maybe I need to just post a sentence or two daily , just kinda blog off the top of my head (blog off my nog(gin) – sounds like a new blog title). anyway…i still feel like i am here on this earth for something more but i feel it’s a work related solution. I’m happy with my marriage, family and friends and although I could develop a few more interests, i do enjoy reading, watching tv, doing puzzles, internet surfing. It’s really the work area of my life where i am unsatisfied, bored, unhappy, disgruntled, miserable, stop me any time !!!!, ….. I’m looking for a new job but until i find one , I need to find a way to get through each workday happier. any suggestions???